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Bittersweet Defeat

by Spring Rain

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1.
You’re a chiming echo, hearing that bell ring It’s no wonder how this angel got her wings Such a pretty problem, stop me on my tracks The heart is there but the conscience lacks, sends me back Looking in the aisles, if you want to see Try 791.43 It’s never been a problem, till I saw you here It’s so hard to be sincere I haven’t found you in these pages And I don’t believe that’s the way it is Falling snow, letting go I won’t know how wonderful it’s been Put love in quotations, taking tiny steps That’s leaps and bounds as close as I can get It’s all words and smiles, play it off as friends I see how all of this will end I haven’t found you in these pages And I guess that’s the way it is Falling down, come around Yes, I found how wonderful it’s been Oh, Mary, oh, Mary I haven’t found you in these pages And I don't believe that’s the way it is Falling snow, letting go Yes, I know how painful it could be
2.
Gemini 03:05
When the leaves start falling on your steps outside, you will find me out here Stones-throw from where you think you are I’ve been hiding away since I don’t know when, I’ll wait for you to find me The map is hidden in the words I write And it’s a blue world, I’ll keep you with me And it leaves me cold, You’re making me see Hear my heart beat louder than a thunderstorm, hold me in your silence Gentle like a rose in summer bloom Cosmopolitan girl knows there’s better than me, but she holds me tightly And she says she’ll never break my heart My heart is blue, girl, as blue as the sea It’s broke in two, oh, I hope that you see And I hope you’re back by the month of May, see the summer waiting Where you said you’d never break my heart
3.
Torch 03:25
Trying hard to talk, bury my head in my hands Still willing to listen, you would not understand I regret it to this day / Nothing I could say Breaking up our dreams, I took the pieces with me Tried to put it back together, much harder than it seemed Would you remember me today? What more can I say? ‘Cause I’ve read your poems and I’ve been between those lines I forget the rhythms now but that’s just between us Don’t forget your music when you leave us behind Sleeves and jewels might even protect you sometimes Either way I’ll see you by next September I’ll carry the torch so you will never be that cold Listen for the bells I should not be here right now They’ve already started and they’ll leave me behind Ooh, will we come back again? Would things be the same? These halls heard the secrets that we whispered back then So I turn to them because I always forget So I hope you listened well / Will you ever tell? ‘Cause I’ve seen you dancing and I’ve seen you turn away And I’ve felt the push and pull / There’s nothing between us You never looked for me when all the lights were turned out No one would believe me if I told them right now Wonder if I’ll see you by next September I’ll carry the torch so you will never think you’re lost Many years from now when you think back And the memories blur together Reaching for something that’s not there I’ve done the same thing time and again Dusting off the pages you’ve forgotten about So you’ll catch a glimpse of something you had put down Does it look the same today?
4.
By the Sea 02:43
Got a handful of photographs, that remind me of the fun we had At a lovely party on the beach and there’s something here that’s out of reach Can’t you see? Something’s happening to me. I’m not who I used to be Got a note you gave me then with your handwriting from your ballpoint pen There’s a girl that boys all love to hate and I feel more like her everyday Can’t you see? Something’s happening to me, crashing waves down by the sea When I feel it in my heart, I don’t know where to start Sparkle, jangle, make a scene, this badge is my authority The airwaves made my message clear, when I speak they’ll all be listening And they have, and it feels just like the past, who knows how long it lasts Will the friends I made those days, find a way to try to make me stay And I don’t feel regret in my mind, if you look you’ll see I’m doing fine Do I seem just like you remembered me? Hope we haven’t been changing
5.
Heavy Heart 04:43
Bitterness in May, won’t get in your way, no The way you disappear, You won’t find me here, no Was I wrong about you? What was I to do? Perfumed flower dreams, not sure what it means, no Type a million lines, wonder if they know We’ll call each other names, never letting go I wish it could be the beginning, I would not call that a clever ending All your work lacks art, no one wants to feel such a heavy heart The music in your voice, never had a choice no Falling like the rain, when I hear your name no Staying true to you, the person that I knew To see your eyes again, they burn like they did then Type a million lines, hoping they will know We’ll call each other names, never touch the phone I wish it could be the beginning, Anyone could write a better ending All your work lacks art, no one wants to feel such a heavy heart Watch time floating by, read over my lines Marking down the years, since I saw you here Wrote you a million lines, hoping you would know I always call your name, never saw you go I wish it could be the beginning, hold you close to make a better ending I want to fall apart, I miss you so much I don’t know where to start Wrote you a million lines, hoping you would know I always call your name, never saw you go I wish it could be the beginning, hold you close to make a better ending I want to fall apart, everything you touched is a work of art
6.
Wilderness 04:12
Years in silence didn’t say a word, didn’t know what you were looking for The road was winding, but not winding down, don’t want to see the things you found You’re never around, saying “I’ll break down if you make sound” This time I hope you find everything you’re dreaming of and so much more Serendipity, clarity, and open doors Seeing things just as you saw them years before, When you belong how could you ask for more? Could you ask for more? / Could you ask for more? Love and closeness didn’t feel a thing, left without saying anything The car was waiting and your bags were packed, didn’t say if you’d be back Don’t turn around, saying “I’ll break down if I say goodbye” This time I know you’ll find everything you’ve dreamt about and so much more Serendipity, clarity, and open doors Seeing things just as you saw them years before, When you’re gone how could you ask for more? Serenity, purity, and gentle words Feeling things just as you felt them years before, When you belong how could you ask for more? Could you ask for more?
7.
Daydream in your art class Watching your paints dry, you don’t know why Your hopes and dreams pass by Still you try, you won’t cry You told us your lovely story You won’t find it in books, so you won’t look Relive your former glory The photos that they took, it's more than looks Darling, you wore your schoolgirl clothes, do you remember those? I’m starting to see things crystal clear and hold these memories dear From down here, you are an angel A work of art, a teenage heart The world’s so painful We fall apart, and it will hurt Feel like you’re growing older Away the hours go, but you don’t know The weight upon your shoulders You will outgrow and let it go Darling, the beauty lies inside, sweetness you can’t hide You’re shining, you’re not so different now, I hope you know somehow Darling, you wore your schoolgirl clothes, do you remember those? I’m starting to see things crystal clear and hold these memories dear
8.
Songbird 04:16
The snow falls on the tracks Painting white over this whole town I've never seen no one like you Losing track of the past All the things that the river drowned Who could say what isn't true? All the years that passed us by All the tears that you let run dry All the fears that took over me For the things that I didn't see I can hear the bells ring Shine a light over everything You make everything so clear I heard all the birds sing Heard the things they were whispering You’ll never know the things I see All the years that passed us by All the tears that you let run dry All the fears that took over me For the things that I didn't see All the days that we both let go All the feelings we didn’t show All the things that we never said And the pain we caused instead Do-re-mi, hiding in the trees Look to the sky, where I knew I’d find All my dreams here A melody, sweeter than honey I found the sign, and a place that’s mine I’m staying here The snow falls on the tracks Painting white over this whole town I'll never see no one like you
9.
Gone Anyway 04:33
Catch a movie close your eyes you’re half-asleep (that doesn’t mean) Doesn’t matter what you see Down the road you’ll find someone you long to be (so desperately) Longing to be without me / And I’m waiting alone Drive your car high up the road close to the moon Your hair shines deep midnight blue You won’t catch me when I fall you make me swoon Could your memory be true / And I wonder From the beginning, my heart was breaking / It was hard to talk The eyes I saw that night will never leave my mind / Such a shame, take the blame Our town was never right for you you’d always say (gone anyway) You’d leave like the trees do sway Always dreamt you’d find your hideaway someday (you want to stray) The wind will carry you away / Now you’re waiting alone You want the city lights, you want the towering heights You want to stand and fight to find yourself out there Your hands were shaking, your head was aching / Hard to walk And what you saw that night you can’t remember right / Such a shame From the beginning, my heart was breaking / It was hard to talk The eyes I saw that night will never leave my mind / Such a shame, take the blame, hesitate, Wouldn’t call it love

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released May 1, 2020

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Spring Rain Port Orchard, Washington

I want to be the bar of chocolate melting in the pocket on a bright summer day. Let me be wild, let me run free.

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